Funniest Hillary Clinton Poem

The Clinton Parade

Disclaimer: the opinions expressed in this poem are not necessarily those of anyone who has ever lived, including the author.

 

 *

Oh, those were the days when our brains were tazed

Back in Twenty, Zero, Eight.

When the times were tough and the men were gruff

When they had to go on dates

It was “Clinton” this, and “Clinton that,”

And “Gosh, I think she’s smart,”

He’d just nod his head as he hoped instead

That the super bowl would start

*

As the time progressed he’d have hardly guessed

That she’d still be in the thing

But to his surprise right before his eyes

She had still not left the ring

She had just one foe who withstood her blow:

Who had come from a mixed descent

Who presumed that he, might yet somehow be,

Our first black president

*         

But he had no chance, for she wore the pants

From the time that it had begun

For she often basked in the questions asked,

Like the rays of a gentle sun

When her voice grew soft, then the gloves came off,

Like the trick of a clever crook

Though she used her left, she could still be deft,

With a nasty right-hand hook

*         

*

Oh, those were the days when our brains were tazed

In Twenty, Zero, Eight.

When the times were tough and the men were gruff

‘When they had to go on dates

They would never squawk when their women talked,

Though by now they were awful scared,

For a silent sigh, and lowered eye,

Was the most that they ever dared!

*

Chapter Two

To Little Rock in Arkansas
The dreaded Clintons came
The Southern state that once was great
Would never be the same
^^We loathed their guts so very much
They lost their second bid
But then they won it back again
’Cuz Rodham had a kid
*
In 92 the Clinton crew
Had bigger fish to fry
The faithful wife gave Bill his life
By standing by her guy
The Senior Bush who lacked a push
Became their only foe
Yet still they only won the race
Because of Ross Perot

*

For eight more years with lies and tears

They kept their foes in check

The crafty two knew how to brew

A storm as fierce as heck

The democrats who gave congrats

For what they did to Starr

Will change their tune so very soon

When Rodham goes too far

*

So when at last their term was passed

We hoped they’d fade away

But to our fear they made it clear

Their names were here to stay

As we rejoiced with all the boys

We heard foreboding news:

She took a place inside a race

She knew she could not lose

*

In old New York she went to work:

A state completely blue

Their hearts were sold, she won it cold

With plenty hull’baloo

She took the floor and with hopes to score

In front of ev’ryone

The comeback kid would make her bid

When Bush’s term was done

*

 Chapter Three

So when one night the time was right

She laid her trump-cards down

The winds of fate that blew of late

Would turn the tide around

The G-O-P had ceased to be

In power any more

For that is why she did not try

In twenty, zero, four.

*

Her soul assured, she gave the word

To let the fight begin

She made advance, there’d be no chance

That some one else could win

The early states would vote at rates,

So close she could not lose:

She thought no foe could raise the dough

To quench the lighted fuse

*

And just in case it was a race

She had another plan

With nought to lose, she still could use

Her loyal, cheating, man

He’d yell insults to get results

By slinging lots of mud

While she stood back and dodged the flack,

As if she wore no blood

*

And more than that, she filled her hat

With superdelegates

Who backed her run by two-to-one

And helped her hedge her bets

The people’s bane would help maintain

Her aristocracy

These democrats could call the match

Undemocratic’ly

*

With all this done she soaked up sun

And tried to part the clouds

Her soul was bared as if she cared

About the thronging crowds

With moistened eyes and gentle sighs

She basked in all the talk

But on her mount she did not count

On good old black Barack

  

  Feel free to e-mail this poem to a friend or fellow campaign staffer

Chapter Four is coming as soon as it writes itself. I will try to move quickly since the Clinton campaign will likely be over in a couple weeks.